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[21 Oct 2003|01:54pm] |
this is probably going to be my last journal entry for a long time...
my life is so fukt...
last night i got pulled over by an undercover cop car now i have been summoned for court in 2 months then i woke up this morning to find out we have been evicted from home, im totally broke i have to sell everything i own to pay my debts i owe about $3000 now... plus i have to deal with my pregnant gf and 3 yr old child and find a new house that will accept us... life is shitter than ever... i cant beleive it has got so bad... 2 years ago i was debt free livin in a home right near the beach going to school havin fun like everyone else.. god... i have always looked at suicide as wrong and i dont see how someone could do it but right now im understanding how those ppl must have felt whatever reason it was it was bad enough to leave the world... im not going to do it no way i know i can get through this... i just want to write it down to see how bad it really looks ... my friends dont want n e thing to do with me no more except for greg n mark all the others r too good for me... fuk fuk fuk fukity fuk.... lol im a charity case now man woo hoo?
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[25 Aug 2003|01:27am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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chingy - right thurr |
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well... i got in contact with greg today and said i will take his fone back tommorow... but morgans sick GRRRRR so i think i have to watch caleb... i know everyone must be like JUST LEAVE which all my friends are but it just aint easy! breaking up with someone u love is the hardest thing to do... i do love morgan and i do love caleb... im just not ready simple as dat! but n eways so now im goin to latrobe tommoro but i have noo money and i dont wanna ask mum.. and now im in shit coz my fone has been disconnected and i owe telstra $600 GRRRRR and i listed the fone on ebay to pay back the money now andi tells me its illegal to sell telstras fone so arrrrgggg im fukt... what to do what to do lol....
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[24 Aug 2003|03:42pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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music |
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linkin park - faint |
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gawd.... i got drunk about a month ago and my ex mate kez sent one of my good friends msgs from my phone saying i wanted to fuck her n stuff and her bf got them and hes still pissed about it... i feel bad for kim she dont seem happy with him... GRRRRR..
My friend from sydney Ava asked me to move in with her last night.... im hella up for it... i gotta get out of this dump im gettin way too depressed. But still its hard... i dont want to hurt morgan. I hate the feeling of breakups it sucks big time i avoid them..
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[23 Aug 2003|10:14pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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rammstein - nebel |
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life is soooo confusing.
i want things but cant have them.
i dont want things but i have them anyway.
i just got back from latrobe.. i stayed with my mate greg and his girlfriends family i had such a good time even though latrobe sucks... paulas family was so cool.. but i got away and opened my eyes... im not meant to be here... not with a kid... my life is not normal... my gf thinks everything is fine but its not i dont want to be here and i dont know what to do... i cant just say bye im leaving its been over a year for fuks sake.
i want to go home.
i can tell how much my mum misses me.... my brother feels like i have abandoned him and love caleb more. My father always wants to see me... they love me so much they help me when i am down... and look what i have done i left them and never return there calls...
i get high and the pain goes away... i can be in my own world and not worry about anything...
i am talking to my friend ava... shes so cool... we talk about heaps of shit im sittin here and just thinking of how much we are alike we have the same jokes and they blow us out.. i love my friends i cant imagine my life without them... especially greg hes my best mate we are always hangin out.. he wants me to move into his place when he comes back to hobart.. i want him to come back but i know paula doesnt, she loves him heaps i can tell but he doesnt show it to her often so i kinda want him to stay...
I missed the bus back home i was happy about it... i was away for another day.. then my ex gf brooke told me she would come pick me up so i got pretty excited about that we hadnt seen each other in so long over a year.. so we made the trip back to hobart and talked a bit we were heaps tired though... it was wierd these thoughs in my mind... i wouldnt have minded if she wanted me to stay at her house the night i know it would have been wrong but i honestly did not care i just wanted to stay out of hobart for a little longer..
my life is hard... caleb is the cutest child i love him to bits and same with morgan... but living here is too hard im too young to settle down i need to go out and have fun more.
im just in a depressing stage of life. i havent taken my pills in like 4 days now. i dont know what i want to do with my life. i have no motivation for anything anymore. i used to love doing things but now theyre just bother.
My car used to be my favourite thing ever. now i cant even be bothered driving it. it needs so much done to it. i love cars i love driving... well i used to.... nothing was better than getting behind the wheel and going out of control its the most amazing feeling of adrenalin. I feel extreme and unscared.
i know living here is changing me.
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| decisions, decisions |
[15 May 2003|08:21pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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system of a down - innervision |
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today i told morgan i want to move out.. i have just had enough im sick of coming home to a screaming kid and finding he has gone into all my stuff its just not working at all so when i told her she was ok at 1st then went wierd and started telling me not to go n shit but i really really want to we will still be goin out n stuff but just not living together i mean why is it so hard for her to understand i need my space im only bloody 17 i need to get out n have fun im not ready to settle down.. moving in was a stupid idea in the first place but im glad i did it we have been through a lot i love her to bits bah im gonna stop bitchin like i always damn do...
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[21 Apr 2003|10:55pm] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
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music |
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P.O.D - youth of the nation |
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nothing exciting happened to me today :( i am starting to wish i was back at school with my friends but then i am like noooo i like sleeping in til 2 pm its slack i know but i love it =D.. msn is not exciting tonight no one is talkative which sucks usually on holidays i am supposed to be up all night talking to friends but not anymore.. i miss those days they were nice sitting up all night finding out all these new and amazing things about people especially my old friend jess.. then some guy from school who was supposed to be a mate told her this shit about me then she went and blocked me and never talks which was rather dissapointing.. hehe im sure u guys dont wanna hear about all this.. anyways i can hear a car i think my gf is home..
have fun everyone =)
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| question thinga |
[21 Apr 2003|08:40pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
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1. What time is it? 8:42 pm
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate? David Oxley
3. Nicknames: Dave
4. Favourite band/artist? defenestration
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last
birthday cake: 3 i think
6. Date that you regularly blow them out? 21st of may
7. Pets: a rat and a cat but the cat doesnt live with me
8. Eye colour: dark brown
9. Hair colour: brown
10. Piercing: none but i miss my eyebrow piercing ='(
11.Tattoos: nope
12. How much do you love your job? any offers?
13. Favourite colour: real dark purple or real dark blue
14. Hometown: Melbourne
15. Current residence: hobart
16. Favourite food: chips n gravy mmmm... yummy
17. Been to Africa? nope why the hell would i go there? why dont ya ask if i been to like USA or something then i can say yes
18. Been toilet papering? nope.. i would like to though
19. Have you loved somebody so much it made you cry? mhm
20. Been in a car accident? yeah a few
21. Croutons or bacon bites? bacon bits
22. Sprite or 7 up? hmmm 7 up isnt too bad
23. Favourite Movie: Stand by me
25. Favourite Day of the week: friday (best parties and im all excited about no college for 2 days)
26. Favourite Restaurant: umm one thats a buffet
27. Favourite Toothpaste: wtf? i dont care what toothpaste i use just as long as it hasnt gone hard
28. Favourite flower: umm dont really have one
29. Favourite Drink: orange fanta
30. Favourite sport to watch: extreme sports where ppl crash and burn =D heheh
31. Preferred type of ice cream: mango sorbet
32. Favourite Sesame Street Character: those yip yip yip yip yip yiiiiip uha uha aliens theyre awesome.
33. Disney or Warner Brothers: probably warner brothers but if u asked me 10 years ago i would say disney
34. Favourite Fast Food Restaurant? Legs n breasts
35. Who is the last person you got e-mail from? some junk mail shit but from a person was prolly erica
36. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? i do not know yet.. might be going to court soon then i will... (driving without licence).
37. Which single store would you choose to max out your credit card? i dont have a credit card but if i did and was stupid enough to blow it all probably autobarn.
38. What do you do most often when you are bored? go on the net or watch a movie
39. Who is your friend who lives farthest away? erica collins
40. Most annoying thing people ask me? asl
41. Bedtime: about 2 am
44. Favourite all time TV show: ummm.... police rescue
45. Who's the last person you went out to dinner with? my gf and her mum
46. Favourite thing in the whole world? my car
47. Any Scars? yeah i got a few on my back
48. Favourite Book? ummm classic minis
49. Biggest Fear? i keep having dreams about meteors hitting the earth and destroying it so that would be the biggest.
50. Time when you finished: 8:58
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| back again |
[20 Apr 2003|11:50pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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music |
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filter and crystal method - can you trip like i do? |
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i am back.. and still stuffin around with this.. man im sooo frustrated everyone on msn has just decided to talk to me and my gf is constantly saying stuff coz she is sick and grrrrr i wish everyone would just leave me alone for a moment.. owell i think its probably best i just go to bed i wull be back tommorow tho =).
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| all signed up... |
[20 Apr 2003|11:37pm] |
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Hello everyone.. i am new to this thing so hmm its easter today and i went to my parents place for a bbq and i ate heaps of chocolate so i think im all chocolated out for the next few weeks man im sooo sick of chcoclate im soundin hell wierd coz i never done one of these things before lol but ah well i'll get used to it.. so yeah read it and comment and add me as a friend that would be cool.. hmm anyways talk to you guys later.
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petroleum66's journal